The New "Binge"

So, readers of my blog who have moseyed over to my website and checked out the "Meet Audrey" page (oh, ok, I'll make it easy for you to check it out: Meet Audrey ), will know that I coin myself as an "obesity survivor" and "reformed binge eater." I once weighed 227.5 pounds (well, that was the highest weight I ever saw on the scale) and was a size 20/22. OK here's a picture:

It wasn't the result of any medication I was taking (although I'm sure the antidepressants didn't help my cause), it wasn't a genetic disorder (although there is a little bit of overweight on my mom's side of the family), and it wasn't even an issue of monthly PMS cravings (although the many rounds of antibiotics I had to take for various dental issues over a couple of years may have tipped the balance of yeast vs bacteria in the favour of yeast, which can definitely turn you into a cookie monster).

No, it was none of those things. Simply put, I ate... and ate, and ate and ate. I started my days with coffee and donuts or on a good day, a muffin or bagel with butter. I often skipped lunch, or if I had lunch, it was something greasy from the cafeteria at work. Mmmm chicken fingers and fries, that was always my favourite. With plum sauce, mayo and ketchup for dipping. Oh, and of course with a Diet Coke to wash it all down (it was "Just for the taste of it!"). Being in a stressful high paced demanding corporate job, I did often skip lunch (not to mention would even put off going to the bathroom until my bladder was about to burst, there was just no time to waste!!! You KNOW something is out of balance if you can't even take time to pee.). So by mid afternoon, I'd be ready to eat my right hand. Since I needed it to type with, I would instead opt for a coffee, and a chocolate bar (or two). Finally, when it was time to go home, I'd have formulated which version of fast food I felt like for dinner (pizza? chinese? wings? McDonald's?), and what to get for snacks later (Zesty Cheese Doritos and Haagen-Dazs were big in my rotation). Oh and again, don't forget the Diet Coke. I remember when they had Vanilla Diet Coke on the market. That stuff was GOOD, it was like a vanilla float. I could easily drink 3 of those in a night to wash down all the junk food. So I would put on my favourite reality tv shows, tune out the world and my worries, and have a little party for one. This was probably easily at least a twice weekly (maybe 3 times?) ritual.

I may have been self-medicating to deal with some buried (and not so buried) emotional traumas. But at some point, whatever started me on that downward spiral was no longer the driving reason that I continued. At some point, the food addiction took over and I got stuck. I tried to think my way out of it, to find the reason I couldn't seem to get a handle on my food intake. I sought counselling. I worked on my "stuff." And somehow I got more and more depressed and more and more stuck.

Obviously I found my way out. I share a little about that process on my "Meet Audrey" page on my website. It's been a long, slow journey, with many lonnnnnng plateaus. And really, I'm still working on it... all in good time. If I've learned anything, it's to honour the needs of my body, and my Self, and to trust in myself enough that I can have patience to let it take the time it needs to take. I've never had one of those giant "change your life in an instant" Aha! moments. It's been a series of little "Ohhhhhhhh's" and "Hmmmm, interesting's" that have all added up, so that when I look back now, I can recognize that I've in fact made real changes, and that I myself am a different person. I'm not stuck anymore. I'm amazed how much changing your diet and lifestyle can act as a catalyst to open you up in mind and spirit as well.

BUT enough about all that. My point today was to tell you about the New Binge. In this "post-obesity" life of mine, among other revelations, I've recognized that old habits die hard. I trained my brain to make those tv-and-binge-night connections strong and resistant to any wonderfulness that Kale Chips might be able to deliver. So occasionally, the urge to binge does still come over me. Usually it's when things have gotten very stressful and I'm anxiety-ridden. Often times, it's simply when I've got a great line-up of Must See TV to catch up on on my PVR. Earlier this year, in fact, going through a particularly stressful time in my life, the Zesty Cheese Doritos and Haagen-Dazs got me again and I even gained about 12 pounds over the winter and spring. Finally I'd had enough and I gave myself a good talking to. "Hood," I said (that's what I call myself when I'm talking in my head), "You're back in the stuck place. You started this because of stress and anxiety, and now the addictive components of these foods have got you hooked again. It's time to start walking the talk, and use your own strategies on yourself and get out of this mucky place." It wasn't easy, but I did it. I used my own strategies (which I cover in my "Inspire Yourself!" workshop this Thursday, Sept 24!) and I re-released those 12 pounds, and broke the allure of the junk food. This is not something I'll ever be "cured" of. It's something I have learned over the years to manage, to the tune of keeping me in that small group of 5% of people who successfully keep off 30+ pounds for 5+ years. I'm pretty proud of that.

SO, last night, after a trip to my favourite store (Whole Foods in Oakville), where I had stocked up on lots of nutritilicious fruits, veggies, whole grains, and some no-antibiotic/no-hormone chicken and fish, I settled in to watch the Emmy's (it seems I'm really on the minority side of people who don't get why 30 Rock is so amazing, aside from the most amazing Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin). And, I wanted something snacky. And something sweet. Uh oh. I should mention at this point that while I don't buy or keep in my house those trigger foods like the Doritos and the Haagen-Dazs, in my condo building there happens to be a vending machine downstairs. And it has Doritos, and Peanut Butter Cups, and a smorgasbord of my old junk food party foods. So what did I do?

Well, first I sat myself down and I said "Hood, what's up? You just came back from Whole Foods where you found all these amazing delicious WHOLE natural foods and have a fridge and pantry stock full of fabulous options. Why are you thinking about Doritos?" Well, I didn't know why, other than that my "Watching TV at night and wanting to unwind" old habits were associated with junk food, and so driving me to want that, even though I no longer prefer those foods. So I said "OK Hood, you can have it if you want it. But let's play this out. If you eat it, how are you going to feel after?" My answer to myself: "Like crap. Disappointed in myself. Bloated. Zombie-brained. I'll probably sleep terribly. I'll wake up full of regret." So my next question to myself was "OK, and what if you don't eat that crap, but find something you have in the house to have as a snack? Then how will you feel?" And my answer: "I'll feel the same as I do now (steady energy, mentally sharp and alert, no "grumblies" in the "lower belly"), but less hungry. I'll feel in control, I'll feel peace of mind for not eating junk food, I'll wake up feeling motivated to eat healthfully and will know my workout tomorrow will not be just to make up for today but will actually move me forward. I'll sleep better. And I'll feel good about nourishing my body."

So, the verdict? What did I end up doing? Case closed. I put away the loonies and twonies. And I wish I'd taken a picture but I didn't realize I'd end up blogging about this (or how long this blog post would be! If you're still with me, thanks for reading!). Here's what I had:

• small bowl of Organic Blue Corn tortilla chips with organic salsa
  
• small (about the size of 2 dominos) piece of raw milk gruyere cheese
• about 10 Raincoast Crisp whole grain crackers (fig & olive) with some organic red pepper jelly and the aforementioned cheese
• small single serving (about 1/3 cup) of creme brulee (my favourite dessert in the world, which I had purchased at the prepared baked goods counter at Whole Foods)
• sparkling mineral water with fresh squeezed lime

Does that qualify as a binge? Certainly not compared to my past habits. So let's see. I didn't eat until I was sick, or even until all the food was gone (I have leftovers of everything except the cheese, which I had purposely bought in a small amount). My hunger was satisfied, and my belly felt comfortable. I didn't even feel compelled to eat more, so my appetite (different from hunger, appetite is really the desire to eat) was satisfied too. I went to bed comfortably (although I admit I did notice my heart beating a little bit harder, something I used to feel to an extreme after binging on foods laced with MSG... And I was a little gaseous... Both reactions probably due to the cheese and cream in the brulee, since normally I'm dairy free, and had in fact just come off 5 days of vegan eating). This morning, I woke up well rested and without cravings, and without remorse. I noticed my fingers felt a wee bit "puffy" (and in fact noticed my feet felt a bit puffy last night), so probably the sodium in the cheese and chips were making me retain a little water. Otherwise, I felt and feel good and am not craving for anything.

So no, I don't think that was a binge at all (I might add too that my dinner was just one very small piece of chicken and about 1/8 of a cup of couscous so that food was not really on top of a big meal, but perhaps to supplement a small one). And, what I'm most pleased about is that my choices did not lead me to want more, and more and more. I had good quality WHOLE foods, with healthful nourishing ingredients, including a good dose of healthy fats and whole grain carbs (and some protein in the cheese). My body was FED, so I'm not left looking for something else to fill a gap in nutrients. And my spirit was FED so I'm not left looking for something else to fill up the lack that deprivation based diets would have created.

So, thanks for reading this "confession" of a former binger. I hope in the reading you might have taken away a little something... about how food really does change your brain, and about the very key role your MIND plays in changing your lifestyle (and maybe your life as a result)... And maybe a little inspiration and reminder that if someone who was as stuck and lost and mired as me can make this happen, no matter how stuck or lost or mired you're feeling, you too CAN make this happen. (((((HUGS & PATS ON THE BACK & CHEERS TO YOU ALL)))))

Cheat Days, friend or foe?

I'm quoting my new favouritest Nutritionist, Meghan Telpner here: I think diets with ‘cheat days’ are just lame. The chocolate chip won’t leave your shoulder until you stop dusting it off and putting it back there come Friday and then bemoan its effects the remainder of the week.

So well put. So many diets propose the idea of a cheat day as relief from the pain and drudgery of the deprivation and restriction that the diet imposes... they suggest by having a cheat day, you get to indulge in those treats that you have to avoid the rest of the week... a little reward for your efforts, and a way of staying sane. I have a problem with the cheat day concept on several counts.

First, "cheating" means you've broken the rules and can run wild and fancy free... whether for a day, or a meal, you're inclined to just go crazy and cram in as much of the yummy stuff as you can before you have to go back to your boring, restrictive diet. So we can easily overdo it, and end up wiping out the progress you made the rest of the week. Heartbreaking, and what a waste of energy and effort.

The cheat day also implies that the rest of the week, your "diet" food isn't so tasty, but rather something you HAVE TO eat to lose weight. People, that is the exact problem with diets. You can't stick to a dietary program that isn't feeding you wholly - body and spirit. If you're eating stuff because you HAVE TO and not eating other stuff because you're NOT ALLOWED, well, I will tell you from painful first hand experience, it's not going to be something you can maintain for life, or even for long... unless you're willing to live a pretty bland life full of deprivation? Eating healthfully can be very rich, very flavourful, and sooooo nourishing to both body and soul... and when it is, every meal can be another opportunity for a treat so that we don't feel this overwhelming need to eat as much as we possibly can before time runs out. There's another meal coming just a few hours away! Woohoo!

The other problem with cheat days, as Meghan so aptly put, is that we actually make it harder on ourselves to really enjoy healthy foods. The foods we "cheat" with tend to be high-sugar, high-fat, and high-salt selections... junk food, fast food, and highly chemicalized in a way that makes the flavours very intense. They "hit" your brain and biochemistry in a way that lead you to never be able to get enough. Each time you indulge in foods high in sugar, fat, and salt, you are reinforcing a bio and neurochemical response that triggers you to want more. So let's say you get through 6 days of healthy clean eating ... most of which tasted like cardboard because it's low-fat, low-carb, and because compared to our Day 7 (aka: cheat day) food, it's really bland (our taste buds have been trained to expect intense sugar and fat and salt and we can't even really distinguish the layers of flavours in more natural foods anymore). So on Day 7 we have our cheat day, and we just reinforce to our brains, bodies, and taste buds to respond to those types of foods, making the rest of the week a painful experience. The next 2-3 days after our cheat day, we have to go through a whole new period of withdrawal where high sugar, fat, and salty foods are calling our names. That's HARD to resist. So in the long run, it's pretty rare that the cheat day doesn't turn into cheat dayS (plural) and eventually we return to our old ways. We regain any weight we lost, and feel hopeless and a failure and that it's impossible to stick to any diet long enough to get real lasting results.

What's more, studies have shown that the brain's response to these foods (which in fact is the same response it has to cocaine, heroine, and morphine!) is MORE INTENSE when reexposed to it after a period of abstinence! So by not having these foods for most of the week, and then eating them again, we make the reaction of the brain stronger, making it that much harder for us to resist them when something triggers us to want them (seeing the food, smelling it, being in places, or with people, or doing activities, or feeling emotions that have previously been associated with those foods).

I'm not a fan of cheat days. What I do like, as we're moving toward a more whole foods, natural, healthful diet, is using a good amount of healthy fats in most meals which helps keep me satisifed and is excellent for my brain, my heart, and every cell in my body, and which helps me not continuously crave for more. I like also having a "treat" (not a "cheat") every few days... something made with whole food ingredients, but maybe a little sweet or indulgent in some respect - in portion controlled amounts. This keeps balance for body and soul, and helps me let go of that "diet mentality" that just adds stress and makes my body hold onto fat even more.

So that's my two cents. Anyone think otherwise? Has the "cheat day" worked for anyone out there? I'd love to hear other opinions on the matter.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that if you are interested to learn more about the body and brain's response to sugar, fat, and salt, and about the impacts of stress on our body's metabolic activity, AND get practical PROVEN strategies for how to override those responses so that you can make lasting changes, you'll LOVE the workshop I have coming up on Thurs Sept 24 at the Toronto Healing Arts Centre at 7pm. Take a look at http://springrenual.ca/services.aspx for more details or contact me directly!

Diet is "DIE" with a "T"

That is a direct quote from my Garfield the cat placemat from when I was in Grade 4. And wow, here is proof that you really can find just about anything on the internet:


Of course in the past 20 years, we've really started to "get" this concept. Garfield was ahead of his time. Let me quote, well, everyone: "Dieting does not work." Plain and simple. Anything you're going to do to an extreme, and/or for a temporary period of time, and/or which removes major food groups from your daily food intake is a diet. Ergo, it won't work. Oh, well sure, of course it will get you results. At least for a while. So I guess in that sense it does work. You DO lose weight when you completely cut all grains out of your diet. You DO lose weight when you only take in 1000 calories a day. You certainly DO lose weight when you wear a chain of garlic around your neck to ward off the evil spirits that call your name when cake is near. But does that mean your diet works? I guess if you just want to lose weight for a specific event like a wedding or New Year's Eve or something, and you don't really care if you gain it back later, then yes, it works.

Personally, I hate regaining weight. There is nothing that kills my mood and outlook on things more than realizing after working so hard to lose weight and change my diet, I've slipped back into old habits and regained some of that hard-won prize. And I've done it enough times to know it is just so much easier to keep doing what it takes to manage my weight than to have to corral my spirits to do it again... and again... and again. So, it stands to reason that if I'm going to just keep doing what it takes to lose weight, it better be something I can actually live with.

How about you? How many times have you lost and found the same 10, 20... 50+ pounds? It's taken me a lifetime to accept the fact that any quick-loss plan (ie: more than 2 pounds per week) is not going to get me the long term results I want. The lure of those diets is strong. Who wouldn't be compelled to go on a diet that promises fast results, especially when your pants are creating a muffin top that really qualifies as an actual cake, and double-especially when it "worked" last time.

One myth I'd like to debunk right now about the "results" those programs create is that you're actually losing fat when you lose "7 lbs in 7 days." Sure, a couple of those pounds are fat. But most of it is actually "water-weight." Usually these kinds of results occur when you cut "carbs" (starches and sugars) out of your diet. This depletes your glycogen stores ("reserve" glucose stored in muscles and the liver used for energy to fuel your daily activities), and since glycogen draws water into cells, you lose a lot of water on these plans. So while it looks great on the scale, and ya, you're a little less puffy, it's not fat. And I don't know about you, but I want to lose fat. Why am I going to deprive myself of all those yummy and healthy and appetite-satisfying whole grains and fruit (and yes, the occasional cookie), which makes me feel jealous of my carb-eating friends, makes me irritable and easily fatigued... all just to lose a few extra pounds of water? Pffft.

So what's the answer? Oh, I bet you know the answer. It's nothing groundbreaking. I know I'll sound like a genius when I say it, but really, it's pretty common sense. In fact, I'll quote, well, everyone: The key to long-term weight RELEASE (not "loss" because usually we want to find what we lose) and maintenance is - drum roll please - Balance & Moderation. That means balanced intake of all major nutrients (fat, carbs, protein), and moderate amounts of "treats." I like the 80/20 rule (or 90/10 if you only have a small amount of weight to release): 80% of choices should be healthy, and 20% can be less than ideal. This promotes health, vitality, a natural return to a healthy body weight, and keeps you sane! It's something you can maintain for life, which means you don't have to fear gaining it back again. You will no longer be "die-ing" with a "t" but LIVING with vitali-T (ba dum bum).



But whyyyyyyy don't diets work? Why do we regain weight? [insert foot stomp and pouty face here]
The reasons are plenty, but they all boil down to "because I couldn't sustain my die-t forever."

Cravings and Blood Sugar
OK so, this is basically the crux of the problem, right? We could and would gladly live on the 80/20 plan, if only we didn't have cravings that drove us to stuff our face in a pint of Haagen Dazs. "Moderation" is a great concept. In practice, it can become a little outta hand before we know it. So how do we conquer the cravings so we can keeping "living with vitalit-T?" One of the key things we need to manage is our blood sugar. You're probably thinking "well, I don't have diabetes or hypoglycemia, so I'm good here." Bzzzzt, wrong! (that was a buzzer, like on a game show). Everyone has fluctuations in their blood sugar throughout the day. It's part of the system that triggers the hormones that kick hunger and eating into gear. Ravenous cravings over which you have little control are often the result of wild spikes in blood sugar caused by eating high glycemic foods (high in simple sugars), such as well, sugar, refined carbs like white bread, white pasta, white rice, and to a lesser extent certain fruits like pineapple, bananas, and watermelon. Eating cookies for a snack gives you a surge of sugar into your bloodstream very quickly... and within a couple of hours, you get a sort of rebound effect that results in a crash in blood sugar and your energy and willpower along with it. This is a sure way to set yourself up to crave for more cookies.

Diets = stress
We are our ancestors' children, and since the fittest (most suited for their conditions) survive, we inherited the fantastic ability to store fat very easily. Afterall, they had to survive famines, and freezing temperatures at least part of the year, so the ability to store body fat was essential. When we diet, it's really a self-imposed famine... even if you're not following a VLC diet (very low calorie - less than 1200 calories/day for women, 1600 for men), you are operating within a "diet mentality" which is one of deprivation and starvation.

Add to "diet stress" the regular ol' daily grind type of stress - too much to do with not enough hours in the day, not enough time or money or energy to do the things we really want to do, not enough love in our relationships.... getting the idea? Chronic stress tends to come from LACK, or at least our PERCEPTION of lack. Dieting fits that mold perfectly too.

And like an alcoholic who is driven to drink, stress will drive you to eat. And to eat foods that make you gain weight the fastest. It's hard wired in our biochemistry, an inheritance from all those who came before us who needed to survive harsh uncertain conditions. Unfortunately it doesn't do us much good today, when food is literally everywhere. And it's not just twigs and berries we have out our fingertips. We can get the really good stuff that helps us gain weight fast - sugar and fat, fat and sugar.

Conditioning of our brain, biochemistry and behaviour
Every time we've made a choice of something to eat, we have the impact of that food on our bio and neurochemistry. Hormones and neurotransmitters are released in response to certain foods that trigger the reward centres of our brains, and drive us to seek out those foods. In a short matter of a few repetitions of eating those foods and getting your "fix" even the conditions around the food (location, people, activity, time of day, emotions, etc) will begin to act as triggers that compel you to satisfy the demands of the brain and body for the reward (literally opiates). Add stress on top of this and you see further why you're reaching for the Doritos and Mars bars.

So, what now?

Again, I think you know the answer. Balance, moderation, variety, 80/20. FEED yourself - fuel your body, nourish your mind, nurture your soul. Take a look at my article posted in July about the Ten Keys to Manage your Weight Naturally.

For anyone who is ready to make the change to get off the diet rollercoaster, and really feed themselves, but is overwhelmed at where to begin, or isn't sure she can really really do this for the long haul, please take a look at Spring's Inspire Yourself workshop. We've got proven strategies to help get your body working with your mind, and empower your mind to start running the show. If you'd like ongoing support in a group environment, we also have an 8 week Weight Release workshop that is coming up in the fall, where in addition to learning "motivational" strategies, you will also get more information and tools on food and nutrition for weight release. And of course, if you prefer one-on-one support, contact us for a complimentary consultation to talk about your needs and goals (use the sign-up form on this blog-site or at www.springrenual.ca).

Why Spring?

Spring is about growth... a time of rebirth, hope, and vitality... it's a forward and upward movement that creates energy and momentum. When we endeavour to make changes in our lives that improve our health and wellness, we not only revitalize our physical beings, but our mental, emotional, and spiritual selves thrive as well. We become stronger, more hopeful, and more open to the opportunities of the world in front of us.

I was inspired to become a Holistic Nutritionist and Lifestyle Coach because I’ve experienced first hand the benefits that come from taking control of your health and well-being (check out my "Meet Audrey" page at www.springrenual.ca to read "My Story"). While healing your body, bringing your weight into a healthy range, and increasing your energy are certainly worthwhile and important benefits in and of themselves, the thing that really motivates me to want to help and support others to accomplish their health and weight goals is the knowledge that those changes can really be the gateway on the path to even more profound changes that can occur in one’s life and spirit.

It’s like the gears of a clock. Each wheel represents one aspect of ourselves – our bodies, minds, and spirits. When the energy winds down, and there’s nothing making the parts move, everything just sits motionless… stagnant. BUT, it takes movement in just one of the parts, and we’ll see movement in the other two areas as well. Whether that was even intended, it will happen. It doesn’t really matter which area you begin with, the energy becomes self-propagating.

The wheel I’ve chosen to focus on as my “ignition” is the body. By making changes both internally to improve my health and energy, as well as externally by losing weight, it triggered changes in the way I see myself, and the way I relate to the world and myself. My perception of the possibilities that exist for me has expanded. My confidence and openness to others has grown. And I’ve become highly attuned to how the body and mind influence each other to keep those wheels moving.

When clients come to me, they are usually frustrated with themselves and their bodies, are low on energy and struggle to believe that they can achieve the goals they have for themselves. I work with them to find opportunities to support their body to find balance, and give them tried & true strategies that when applied with mindful awareness help them overcome old habits and the challenging situations that life always brings. Over time - time and time again - they start to prove to themselves that in fact they CAN do this, they CAN achieve what is so important to them, and that’s when the magic happens. The spirit begins to grow and helps to further fuel the mind and body to keep the gears moving.

I love seeing this transformation in people… when Spring returns to the body, mind, and spirit, a whole new world becomes present for you, inside and out!